i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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