Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
