hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
