hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
