Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
