Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
