college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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