The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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