I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
