Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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