If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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