dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
