nut hugger
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
