I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
