i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
