thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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