Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
