He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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