I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am one with the molecules
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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