when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, beer. Big fan.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
