I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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