i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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