We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
soo... how was my night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
