How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
