We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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