somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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