Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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