The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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