well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
