My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
