If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
