she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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