Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
