That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
