Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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