Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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