No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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