dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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