I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
