no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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