ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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