Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
