I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
