The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
