So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
