you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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