Jerry, you need to find god
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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