If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
