i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
