Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i have two assholes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
