That's intense
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How's work?
Spinning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
