At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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