i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
