u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
