i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
