i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
