Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
