oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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