They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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