Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
