Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
