you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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