you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
